What the [insert random profanity here] happened?! I know I said i updates t,th,and sat's. But It's just there's too much going on right now for me to not do this. My brain got scrambled. I don't know what to say, what to do, anymore. I got messed up. On the inside. This is not how I wanted things to be. I know that fate can be mean at times...but, it's always mean to me in this fashion.
I hate my life again. It doesn't seem to be improving. I read all my old posts here, for those of you who were around back then. I remembered what it was like. Blasting rock music with ear phones on. It feels good, somehow it isn't, but it does.
Dammit, why did my brain get scrambled right then?! It still is now. I need to rest my disorganized head. I need to do something. I can't just do nothing again. I can't lose to fate, not anymore. Dammit man, Get a hold of yourself! you must make this right. How? I...I don't know anymore. Is this fate? No.
You've got to quit blaming things on an entity! You don't even know if it exists! The real problem is you! Can't you see that?! I've got to stop this. You're the only one to blame, man. You're the only one. You've got to fix it, If you're really sorry for yourself, then use that remorse and DO SOMETHING with it! You're right. I can't give up now. But what choice do I have?
I guess I can start with what I can do for now. I can't afford to mess this up anymore. This really is your last chance to make it. the last one. You can't let this up , not here, not now, not EVER.
No more coin flips, no more letting chance solve everything. It's all about action now. It's all about being who I NEED to be. I need to be myself. Currently I'm missing 2/3'rds of myself. I'm going to have to learn to be without those parts of me for now. And be whole with what I have. Don't be unitelligent. Bat Chung Ming.
This may be false hope, but...It's better than having no hope at all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment